The London Prat

Einstein's Wisdom Quote Meets Four British Current Events That Wanted a Word Eighteen Months Ago "A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it." A correspondent of advanced middle age examines the quote nobody can prove Einstein ever said but everyone wishes Whitehall had laminated. The quote commonly hung around Albert Einstein's neck runs: "A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it." Whether Einstein actually said it is the sort of question that employs entire history departments and quietly bankrupts quiz nights. Mark Twain has also been credited, as have several uncles clutching warm pints of Tetley's. The  attribution is shaky , the grammar is immaculate, and the idea is sturdy enough to survive a Cabinet reshuffle. Here is how that wisdom lands on four current British stories, each of which could have benefited from a wise person about a year ago, preferably one holding a Ministry of Defence briefing and an extremely la...

Britain Forgets How to Britain, Asks ChatGPT for Reminder BBC Warns That AI Is Rotting the National Brain in an Article Read Exclusively in Summary Form LONDON — The BBC has issued a grave warning that artificial intelligence may be eroding the nation's memory, creativity and capacity for critical thought. The warning was published at 7.02 on Tuesday morning. By 7.04, 31% of the country had pasted it into ChatGPT and asked for the three key takeaways as bullet points, preferably in the tone of a friendly dentist. By 7.06, the phrase "great piece, really thought-provoking" was trending on LinkedIn, posted by users who had neither read the piece nor, if we are being candid, any piece since 2019. The corporation's concern is rooted in genuinely alarming research. A team at the MIT Media Lab, led by Dr Nataliya Kosmyna, strapped EEG caps to 54 participants and asked them to write essays with ChatGPT, with Google, or with what used to be the standard kit for writing essa...

Britain Forgets How to Britain, Asks ChatGPT for Reminder BBC Warns That AI Is Rotting the National Brain in an Article Read Exclusively in Summary Form LONDON — The BBC has issued a grave warning that artificial intelligence may be eroding the nation's memory, creativity and capacity for critical thought. The warning was published at 7.02 on Tuesday morning. By 7.04, 31% of the country had pasted it into ChatGPT and asked for the three key takeaways as bullet points, preferably in the tone of a friendly dentist. By 7.06, the phrase "great piece, really thought-provoking" was trending on LinkedIn, posted by users who had neither read the piece nor, if we are being candid, any piece since 2019. The corporation's concern is rooted in genuinely alarming research. A team at the MIT Media Lab, led by Dr Nataliya Kosmyna, strapped EEG caps to 54 participants and asked them to write essays with ChatGPT, with Google, or with what used to be the standard kit for writing essa...

Alan Engine Declared Last British Man Who Can Fix Anything Without Watching YouTube Nation Mourns As Alan Engine Retires, Taking All Useful Knowledge With Him Five humorous observations before the bonnet is opened. - Britain has museums for steam engines, castles, and Roman coins, yet somehow failed to preserve one Alan. - Modern men can stream eight documentaries on carburettors but still cannot change a tyre without emotional weather. - Alan Engine once fixed a dishwasher with a spoon, a glare, and language banned in three counties. - The average government task force uses twelve consultants to produce what Alan called "tighten that bit." - When Alan retired, half the nation's warning lights came on at once. Alan Engine — the last British man capable of repairing anything without first watching a tutorial. He fixed dishwashers with spoons, identified engine trouble from fifty feet away, and never once typed "how to" into a search bar. Britain woke i...

AI Chatbots Could Be Making Britain Stupider, Experts Confirm After Reading Comments Section Nation Shocked to Learn Outsourcing Brainwork Means Brain May Seek Redundancy LONDON  — Britain awoke in a fog of national concern this morning after researchers suggested that relying too heavily on AI chatbots could reduce critical thinking, memory, and creativity. The announcement stunned millions of readers, most of whom had just used a chatbot to explain the announcement to themselves in bullet points. Officials described the findings as "deeply troubling," particularly because many citizens were unable to remember what they were troubled about by lunchtime. By teatime, the troubling bit had been replaced by a mild curiosity about whether the kettle was plugged in. At the centre of the panic sits  a BBC piece on research suggesting AI users show reduced brain activity during certain cognitive tasks , a story which many readers promptly fed to a chatbot so they wouldn't have t...